Ladies, my head is exploding. I’ve just spent the last 20 minutes on the Neiman Marcus website, and there is, for the next three days (online only), an extra 30% off sale items! I’m talking scoring designer clothes, shoes, and handbags for RIDICULOUS prices. Like this NM Exclusive ruffled-neck blouse, originally $145, now $26. How perfect for the office is this? I could go on, but frankly, as I said, my head is exploding. I’m off to search for any Visa gift cards I may have hanging around. Enjoy, and let me know what you find!

So, yesterday on Gilt, I’m trolling around, looking for deals, no real intention of buying. And THEN I see the Quasar Baby Blue. Now, at first glance it looked like a shower head to me. Or something a dentist would use. I was unsure. Then I read that it’s a device that uses blue light to target the sebaceous glands on the face, killing the bacteria that causes acne. So I’m intrigued. I Google reviews. Sure enough, people like this thing. It seems to work. And for a girl like me who (1) has battled her skin for her entire post-pubescent life, (2) has bought countless items from late-night informercials, and (3) just has hope that something will work as promised, darn it, it was a perfect storm. Plus, Gilt has never disappointed me. So I winced, paid $250 (on sale from $350—hooray!), and am now anxiously awaiting its arrival at my door. I’ll tell my husband it cost $25. Just kidding—sort of. Anyway, I’ll keep you all posted!

Your turn: What’s the most indulgent/expensive/ridiculous beauty product you’ve ever bought? Did it work? Share!

Okay, that’s kind of an unfair question. After all (in most cases… hehe) the relationship is as different as could be. Perhaps I should rephrase: To whom do you show more courtesy and consideration: your boss or your spouse?

The question is one I’ve vaguely had in mind for a few days, ever since I decided to multitask by using my lunch hour get my cardio in via taking the dog for a jog. I also took along my Bluetooth headset just in case any clients called. Instead, it was my husband who called, and I tried valiantly to have a decent conversation while keeping my pace through the home stretch. Eventually, he griped, “I can’t hear a thing you’re saying with all that wind. Just call me later.” Before hanging up, he added, sort of incredulously, “You wouldn’t actually talk to a client like this, would you?”

In another month or so, summer’s heat and bright colors will begin their annual fade to autumn’s darker, richer hues. To get you through the transition, look no further than the luscious hybrid between magenta and violet: fuchsia.

Why it works: Fuchsia is still bright and sexy enough for summer dresses and stilettos but has the depth and maturity to pair with your early fall jackets and bags. When hunting down shades, draw inspiration from the beautiful stain that raspberries leave on your fingers. Or just try the following:

Well, with my borderline unhealthy love of dresses, it was only a matter of time till I found some great deals on fabulous summer staples. Use these till the weather cools, then top with a chunky knit, belt, and add tights. Voila!

Designer Deal

I love Nanette Lepore for her unabashedly feminine pieces (ruffled tops, floral trench coats, beautiful embellishments), and this dress is no exception. Lepore’s “Kaleidescope” dress, originally $375, is being sold at Neiman Marcus for $187. With its ruffles, sweetheart neckline, and off-the-shoulder straps, it’s reminiscent of the 80s in all the right ways, with a softer, much more modern touch. Love!

Look-alike Steal

All right, ladies, how about this adorable dress from Forever 21? Like the Nanette Lepore piece, this one features a ruffled hem, 1-inch shoulder straps on a sweetheart neckline, and a sweet floral pattern. Snap on a pair of flat silver shoes, let your hair down, and you’re ready for a Saturday afternoon shopping! Oh—and did I mention it’s only $22.80? Enjoy!

Today’s deals epitomize summer. Slightly platform sandals embellished with beads and brightly colored stones are the perfect accompaniment to breezy, jewel-tone dresses. Sigh. I’m love.

Designer Deal

I’ve had my eye on these beautiful Oscar de la Renta sandals for a few weeks now. I like that they’re both glamorous and whimsical, as perfect for a night on the town as they are for the ideal picnic in my mind: crisp sauvignon blanc, caprese salad, and a flowy chiffon skirt. (Notice I say “in my mind”—there’s no such thing as an ideal picnic in 100+ degree weather!) Regularly $825, these sandals are 45% off at Neiman Marcus for price tag of $371. A worthy splurge, if you ask me!

Look-alike Steals

These Vince Camuto sandals are nude suede instead of cork—which means they’ll go straight into fall when paired with plum-colored tights. The acrylic jewels are also beautiful, rich colors: autumnal orange, lovely gray-blue, and deep amethyst. Reduced from $120 to $43.20, do I even need to say how great a deal they are at Dillards??

If you like the look without the embellishment, try these Steve Madden sandals, featuring a cork platform and heel and nude patent leather. Originally $99.95, they’re being sold on stevemadden.com for only $39.98. A great option to lengthen the legs with your summer dresses and skirts—and who doesn’t want that?

Enjoy—and let me know if you snag one of these deals!

In the last, oh, say five years, I’ve gone from swearing American Eagle was the only brand I’d ever love to seeking out designer clothing and accessories for their quality, workmanship, and lasting value. (Oh, and because they’re preeeeetty.) But one thing that hasn’t changed is that I still will not buy goods that have the designer’s name splashed all over them. Monogram purses, for example? So not my thing. Even if I admire the shape and quality of some Louis Vuitton bags (like the Speedy, above), I won’t buy them if they’re covered in the signature LV. And why would I want a belt stamped all over with the Coach logo and featuring a buckle spelling, what else, Coach? To me, these are gratuitous status symbols, and that’s not why I shop designer.

Granted, I know there’s a threshold—a line dividing classic from tacky. But that line is much thinner to me than it is to, I think, a lot of people. And don’t get me wrong: My little pet peeve can get pretty annoying. Because plenty of designers I really like, such as Marc Jacobs, sneak their name onto the most innocuous places, like the buttons on a blouse. Buttons! Or this otherwise perfect daytime Miss Sixty purse that I would totally buy if it didn’t have MISS SIXTY right in front. See it? Sure, it’s small, discreet, and perfectly tasteful, but it’s there. For things like this, I know my distaste is silly, but I can’t help it.

Am I alone in my abhorrence of designer name-flaunting? I’d actually love to hear from people who disagree with me—please share why!

Today’s deals come in the form of interesting multi-strand pearl necklaces, which I’ve been obsessed with lately. They’re a modern, young way to rock this classic gemstone—a far cry from Sandra D.! I’d wear them with a casual, soft, slightly loose white t-shirt, gray skinny jeans, and—of course—a great heel; I’m thinking black patent platform peep-toes. Add a metallic clutch and a little liquid liner, and you’re good to go! Enjoy!

Designer Deal

I’m loving this vintage Miriam Haskell baroque pearl, boxchain, and rhinestone necklace—a gorgeous piece that evokes the feeling of pulling a forgotten treasure from your stylish grandmother’s jewelry box. Haskell is known for stunning, hand-crafted jewelry, and is also the powerhouse behind department store jewelry lines O Oscar (by Oscar de la Renta) and Kenneth Cole. Similar designs are priced on her site for $700, but you can find this necklace at rubylane.com for $325.

Look-alike Steals:

We have two look-alike steals today! The first is this Betsey Johnson long, five-strand necklace with faux pearls, gold tone, and crystal accents. We all know Betsey Johnson for her bright, offbeat, always feminine and joyful clothing line that isn’t entirely wearable for a lot of women. This necklace, however, is very wearable—and adorable. Even better, it’s 20% off on Zappos for a total of $103.

Now, check out this Kenneth Jay Lane piece for
QVC. A couple of obvious differences: We’re working with a gunmetal finish here and a bit of a shorter length—the nine strands fall around 20”. I love Kenneth Jay Lane for his affordable but still high-end, feminine, and unique designs. This is no exception. Retailed at $95, the necklace is on sale at QVC for $69.50.

Happy shopping!

This post launches the start of what I’ll call our Daily Deal. Inspired by my own feverish bargain-hunting for high-quality goods, I thought, Why not share the wealth? Or, rather, the savings. Which can lead to wealth. Or keep you wealthy. Whatever. Slightly convoluted, I’ll admit, but nonetheless well-intentioned. So come back often to check out a designer deal and its a look-alike steal. And share your own bargain-shopping spoils!

Designer Deal

With woven leather in a gorgeous sky blue, this Bottega Veneta handbag measures approximately 5"W by 3"H. In other words, it’s the perfect night-out size, but its color also makes it appropriate for day—think summery dresses and fabulous neutral heels, the perfect brunch date outfit (I want it soooo badly!). The bag also features brass chains measuring 38” long but which can be shortened to 22”; a flap closure; fully lined zippered back compartment; and two interior compartments. The designer name is stamped on in the inside. Despite its summery texture, I’d use this bag through fall and winter as a fresh contrast to richer (colored) clothing. Retailed at $602, this bag that I’m quite obviously lusting after is being sold on efashionhouse.com for $299. However, add the code OFF20 at checkout for 20% off the sale price. Then add the code OFF10 for an additional 10% off. You’re left with $215.28, and FedEx ground shipping is free. Oh, and the bag also comes in tan and red—take your pick.

Look-alike Steal

With vintage appeal, the deeper color on this vintage Walborg woven purse will make it more versatile than the Bottega Veneta clutch (for some) come winter. Its dimensions are about 8"W by 5.5"H, and it also features a brass chain shoulder strap. The one-compartment interior is lined in black vinyl, and the bag also has a small gold-lined open slip pocket. But the kicker? It’s being sold for only $35 at retrodesignerdeals.com. In lieu of the real thing, seems like a no-brainer to me!

I’d love to hear your thoughts on today’s deals—and take requests for future ones. I have to admit, all modesty aside: I’m a wizard at bargain-shopping. Enjoy!

Rihanna is served
Rihanna has been subpoenaed to testify against Chris Brown in his June 22nd trial.  For a while it was thought that Rihanna would refuse to testify against Brown.  But now that she has been seen out and about snuggling with Canadian rapper and actor Aubrey “Drake” Graham I have a feeling that she’s a lot more open to testifying.

Paris Hilton takes the cheesy way out
Paris Hilton has broken up with boyfriend Doug Reinhardt.  Or rather, Hilton’s publicist has.  The heiress decided to take the tacky road and reportedly had her publicist end the relationship. And then released an official statement to People magazine.

Hey, at least she didn’t dump him on Twitter.

Michael Lohan okay with Daughter’s reconciliation for now
Seems like Lilo’s dad Michael is okay with her getting back with Sam Ronson.

Bet that’s a load off her mind.

Pete Doherty arrested
Sometime musician and constant coke head Pete Doherty has been arrested for DUI and drug possession in Gloucester, England. This follows last Friday’s arrest in Switzerland for doing heroin on a plane.

You going for some kind of record, Pete?  Why not try staying sober for more than a day?

Alba without a spine
Jessica Alba was caught on camera plastering shark posters all over Oklahmoa city as part of a protest of some kind of protest.  Shortly after the actress issued a formal apology.

“I got involved in something I should have had no part of. I realize that I should have used better judgment, and I regret not thinking things through before I made a spontaneous and ill-advised decision to let myself get involved with the people behind this campaign.”

Way to protest, Jessica. For a second there I thought you were more than an actress whose main concern his how much money she makes.  My bad.

Alright, folks, ready for a little controversy? On second thought, what I’m about to write shouldn’t be controversial. It should be a that’s-ridiculous-and-disgusting-and-offensive-to-good-fathers-and-functional-daughters-everywhere no-brainer.

So tonight, as I’m driving home from nearly exerting myself to death on my bike, I hear this situation on the radio: A father, right here in my humble town, is encouraging his 18-year-old daughter to be an “adult film starlet.” Yes. As in porn star. Here’s how this went down. Apparently this douche dad had his old college buddy—and thriving porn star friend—over to dinner. This friend sees the 18-year-old daughter and tells her father that she’s “smokin’ hot.” Not conventionally gorgeous like Jenna Jameson, he adds, but she could easily fit among the top 25 of today’s porn stars. He wanted to sign her right there on the spot. For $400,000 a year. And Daddy says? Hell yes!

Well, okay, I guess he didn’t say hell yes. He brought it up with his daughter, who was “taken aback” by the suggestion. Um, yeah! If my dad approached me after dinner with his raunchy-ass friend and said, “Hey, Kate—Bob thinks you’ve got the stuff”—a.k.a. T&A—“to be a hot porn star. Wanna give it a go? You’ve got my support.” I’d be like, WTF? My dad thinks I’m a ho.

And the kicker. Apparently the girl’s mother—who is still married to the father, mind you—knows nothing about any of this. She has no idea that her husband, who held their baby girl in his arms after she was born, is encouraging said baby girl to be everybody’s “baby girl.” Yes. That’ll be a fun conversation. “Hey, hon, how would you feel about Margaret being renamed Crystal and starring in Back Door Beauties XXIIIII?” If I were the wife, I’d be packing my bags and my daughter and getting the hell outta there!

Am I being completely close-minded here? Is this actually the act of a loving and supporting father who wants his daughter to be financially and sexually liberated? Or is this pimp guy just absolutely in-effing-sane? How would you react if you were the daughter or the wife in this situation? I’d love your opinions!

Oh… and as a fun little add-on, my husband just told me about a dad who SWORDED HIS SON for not moving out. Sworded. As in like, stabbed with a sword that he just happened to have hidden under the living room couch. Well, yeah. Isn’t that where everyone keeps their swords? The son’s okay. The dad’s effing nuts. What’s wrong with parents these days???

Brit should just cover up
The photographer responsible for those topless Britney Spear’s pics says that the singer knew about the pics and actually requested them. In a bid to help the star continue to clean up her crazy act, Daddy Dearest was trying to block the topless photos from hitting the Internet. 

So it’s okay to let your daughter star as a topless stripper in her video as long as her boobies don’t show?  That’s what, Rule #2 of how to be a great Dad?

Melody staying catty
Looks like at least one Pussycat Dolls refuses to keep quiet about trouble within the group and is quite happy to keep her claws out.

Melody Thornton is once again bitching about fellow Doll Nicole saying, “Nicole’s always had extra things going on as opposed to the rest of us, but we have aspirations as well. It’s definitely a huge misconception that we are just chilling and happy to just be members of the group.”

So, does this mean that the band could be splitting up?  Noppers. Thorton also said, “I don’t think we’re breaking up any time soon. As long as this thing is moving, we’re all still here.”

In other words?  As long as people are dumb enough to buy their crappy music, they’ll be around.

Rocker in need of a walker
Prince is in need of a double hip replacement, but refuses due to religious beliefs.

Too bad your religion didn’t forbid wearing 9 inch heels, eh Prince?  Then maybe you wouldn’t need the surgery.

Adam Lambert announces he’s gay
Well, duh.

Well the countdown has begun! In six days my immediate family, all 16 of us, will arrive at Walt Disney World - the happiest place on Earth! To say that we are excited would be an understatement. We booked the trip last November. For the last seven months we have been pricing dining plans (we decided against), scheduling character dining (a princess lunch and a lunch with the Little Einsteins), booking appointments at the Bippity-Boppity Boutique (Monday afternoon), watching videos of all the rides via YouTube, planning our packing, and most importantly watching the promotional DVD every single Sunday after lunch (I am not exaggerating, we have watched it about 50 times). This will be my children’s first trip. We told them that as soon as my son was out of diapers we would go. Well he is now three years old and has been diaper-free for about nine months. My daughter (five-years-old) cannot wait to ride Space Mountain. I do not ride roller coasters for fear of literally falling right out, but I’m sure she’ll have a great time with her dad! Check back next week as I breakdown each day. It’s sure to be eventful!!!

I try to pride myself in being a cool “hip” mom (wait, do they say “hip” anymore), however I am having a little bit of trouble with the new technology-age vernacular. I guess my background of being an English teacher runs deeper than I thought, because the new verbs are causing me a lot of trouble. Example number one - texting. Every time I hear a group of kids talk about “texting” my grammatically correct nose twitches. A text is a noun or an adjective. They should say, “I sent you a text message.” And what about “friending” on MySpace and Facebook? Really? To an unknowledgeable observer the comment, “She friended me,” sounds absolutely ridiculous!!!  How about - She sent me a friend request? Oy! The ultimate in weird is “tweeting.” I don’t use Twitter, but the thought of telling someone that I just tweeted makes me laugh out loud - seriously!!! I suppose the gauntlet has now been thrown. Will I resist these crazy verbs or will I cave and join the crowd. Stay tuned!

Lilo getting married?
Well, according to rumors (and Lindsay Lohan’s twitter account) Lilo has gotten back together with ex girlfriend Sam.  The duo reportedly came into Heathrow together and Lindsay was flaunting some serious bling on her wedding finger. 

Ah, it’s so nice to see all of her crazy stalking has paid off.

Impatient Pete
Pete Doherty was arrested in Geneva for heroine consumption during a plane trip from London.  It seems Pete shot up during the hour and forty minute flight.

You couldn’t have waited until you landed Pete? I’ve held pee in longer than that.

Nothin’ but a misstep
Poison’s Bret Michaels had a bit of a mishap at the Tony Awards.  After performing Nothin’ But a Good Time with the cast of Rock of Ages, Michaels walked offstage only to be taken out by a piece of scenery.

Seems he missed his mark. And judging by his hair and facelift, in more ways than one.

We’re tortured, why shouldn’t they be?
Looks like viewers aren’t the only ones being tortured by I’m a Celebrity …Get Me Out of Here!.  If Spencer Pratt is to be believed, he and wife Heidi were thrown into some kind of torture chamber where they had to spend 24 hours with only water, beans, rice and each other. 

Spencer emerged angry and Heidi came out throwing her guts up with a suspected stomach ulcer. 

24 hours alone with only your thoughts and Spencer will do that.

In these current times of economic crisis I have a suggestion for moms and dads trying to come up with new toys for your kids. Go check your parents’ attics! Yesterday, my kids and I went to visit my mom and dad. Late in the afternoon I noticed that the kids were being very quiet upstairs. When I went up to check on them I was surprised at what I found. They had gotten into an old box of my brothers’ and my toys and found tons of things to play with!  My daughter had gotten out My Little Pony, Strawberry Shortcake, and even Barbies. My son had discovered my brothers’ endless supplies of Transformers and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. They were having a blast. The thing they were excited about was that these were the same toys they play with at home, just older versions. Sure enough, retro-toys are back in style. Thanks Mattel, Hasbro, and whoever else thought to bring back the toys from the 80s. Even though my daughter couldn’t understand why Barbie was wearing leg warmers (hey they were cool in 1986) and the lead paint was chipping off Optimus Prime, they had hours of fun.

Alright, granted—I’m from a place that gets hotter than much of the country. Hundred-degree summer days are the norm. Sweating while walking from the car to the grocery store is expected. It’s still effing scorching at eight in the evening. So maybe, just maybe, that’s why I’m so annoyed by the summer scarf trend. But maybe not. It just doesn’t make sense. It’s hot, people! Why are you wrapping extra fabric around your neck? Why not just mummify yourself while you’re at it? Wrap bandages around your face. Let your eyes peer out at the hot summer days. At all the people walking around with blissfully bare necks.

I’m calling it now: Opera gloves are the next summer It item. Maybe they’ll be refashioned from these inexplicable scarves.

What do you think? Do you buy the scarf-as-necklace trend? If so, tell the truth—are you dying under there??

You know that moment when the wheels of the plane touch ground and you shoot forward in your seat with the new momentum? And you briefly, deliciously forget how your hair became that odd combination of greasy on top, staticky on the bottom, and that you ran out of face blotting tissues and feel slightly nauseous? It’s that fizzy moment of anticipation, of your travels opening in front of you with all the possibilities of dreams…

Haven’t felt that way in awhile? Me neither. Which is why I’m loving this summer’s trend of clothes that are rich with cultural details: Navajo-inspired dresses and tunics with intricate, boldly colored embroidery; Indian-influenced statement earrings and cuffs; colors and embellishments and attitude straight from Mexico, Turkey, Africa—almost anywhere you can imagine.

Even if imagining is all you do this summer!

Well, last night marked a big night at our home - it was my daughter’s last t-ball game. For those of you who have not been inducted into the t-ball club, let me give you the Cliffs Notes version. T-ball is played by 5 & 6 year olds. In our city, there are approximately ten players on each team. When we go to a game, there are two innings. Each player bats. They can swing as many times as they want, there are no outs. We do not keep score. When the last batter is up, the umpire calls, “Last batter,” and the kid playing “pitcher” stands at home plate and tags any of the kids who were on base. When it is over the kids have absolutely no idea what they have done or who has won. It is INSANE!

My husband and father are vehemently against it (due to their competitive natures) and began “unofficially” keeping score during the second game. Needless to say, I was not sorry that the season was rounding to an end. All day long my daughter has gone on and on about how sad she was that the season was going to be over and how excited she was about her big game. At about 5:00 I went to her room to get out her uniform. It was gone!!! I couldn’t find it anywhere!!!  After fifteen minutes searching (with her pacing along behind me), I called my husband who was on a business trip in Miami. “Do you have any idea where her uniform is???” I shrieked into the phone. “Yes, it is in the trunk of your car,” he answered calmly. “But you drove my car to the AIRPORT!” I screamed (the airport is three hours away). “Hmmmm,” was his reply.

So I pasted on a fake toothy grin and called my daughter to the room. I asked her if she’d like to go eat pizza and go swimming tonight. “What about my game?” she replied suspiciously. “Um, your-uniform-is-in-the-car-at-the-airport-so-you-aren’t-going-to-play,” I rattled off as quickly as possible. “Thank goodness,” she answered, “I am so tired of pretending to have fun!” Then she skipped out of the room.

Well my spring 2010 just became wide open!

Well in T-minus 25 days and counting I will turn the big 3-0! Oh sure, I’ve been fed the whole 30 is the new 20 garbage, but bottomline is that anything that has to be “the new” anything else is just plain OLD. As I sit and try to come up with some positives about turning 30,  I am plagued yet again with the trendy mom debate.  Last week I was bathing suit shopping at Old Navy. After winning a tug-of-war battle with a blonde who looked like she might have a good left hook, I snatched up my cute orange bikini and headed to the dressing room to try it on.

After a quick look I decided it would do. I sashayed out of the fitting room just in time to see that cute blonde hand the same cute orange bikini to her fifteen year old DAUGHTER. My jaw dropped. There was no way that I, a mother of two, could possibly wear the same swimsuit as a girl with her learner’s permit. I tossed the bikini back on the shelf and began my search for a practical one piece tank suit. So here is my question, at what age do you start looking silly if you dress young?

You all know of those women that people whisper, “she’s too old to wear that”...or “she’s too old to have that hair cut”... When do you have to stop shopping at GAP and Old Navy and start shopping at… I don’t know….mom stores? While I am not particularly interested in being a trendsetter, I do like to look nice and cute, but appropriate. Will there come a time when all of the sudden cute clothes are not appealing to me? Will my brain suddenly decide that the knit vest with apples on it is exactly what I wanted to wear today?  I really don’t know how all of this works?  If anyone has any insight I would truly appreciate it!! Lol!

Hewitt predicts own engagement
While Jennifer Love Hewitt is denying that she and boyfriend Jamie Kennedy are engaged, she has given him an ultimatum of sorts.

“By this time next year, if we’re not planning something, then there’s a situation.”

Nothing says love like a forced engagement, Jennifer.  .

Classy Katy
Katy Perry tells Seventeen magazine that she’s not the kind of girl to hook up.  She refused to kiss boyfriend Travis McCoy until they went out on a date.

Only in Hollywood would not being a tramp make the news.

Hudson’s sprint
At the recent Veuve Clicquot’s Manhattan Polo Classic in New York horses weren’t the only thing running.  When Kate Hudson caught wind that Madonna was on her way, she took off at high speed.  Kate is rumored to be dating Madonna’s rumored ex A-rod, so I guess she didn’t want to risk a confrontation with the Material Girl. 

And here I thought she was an actress, not an 8th grader.

I’m not a scorned wife…but……
Eddie Cibrian’s wife, Brandi Glanville is claiming that LeAnn Rimes is “stalking” Eddie. Seems the country singer refuses to face the fact that her affair with Cibrian is over.

In an interview with US weekly the ticked of wife says that “LeAnn is so desperate for fame she has left her self-respect in the gutter and doesn’t care who she hurts to get what she wants.  She’s hurting my family and messing with the wrong mom.”

Interesting. And here I thought she was messing with your husband.

Once a quitter, always a quitter
So it seems that the third time is, indeed, a charm.  Or, in the case of the other contestants on I’m a Celebrity … Get Me Out of Here!  a relief.

The public pukefest known as Speidi has once again quit the reality TV show, but this time for good.  In fact the show has already added another Baldwin to the cast, with Daniel replacing Spencer Pratt.  Heidi Montag’s replacement has not been announced yet, but unless they get the bag lady from down the street that pees on herself, the new contestant won’t be as nauseating or annoying as Heidi.

At least there will be barf bags
With Twilight kicking ass at the recent MTV movie awards and a full on convention dedicated to all things Twilight set for later this summer, what else is there left for this mega movie to do? 

Hey, I know!  How about a cruise!!

Yeppers, there is a Twilight cruise set to sail in 2010.  The ship will leave from Washington and suck through Alaska and British Columbia.  Yeah, when I think cheesy romantic vampire movie I totally think of Alaska and BC.

You can even bump elbow with stars of the film.  Ashley Greene and Kellan Lutz will be on the cruise.

Yeah, I don’t know who they are either.

Glamorous outing
So it seems that American Idol runner up, Adam Lambert, is planning on coming out in the next issue of Rolling Stone.

What?  He’s gay?  I supposed Clay Aiken is, too.

Mel Gibson flaps his sugar lips
Ticked off at all the gossip about him, Mel Gibson laid down the law at his church.  He recently went on a rant, telling members of the congregation, including a couple of priest and a bishop that if the gossip about his marriage breaking up and him knocking up some Russian while still technically married doesn’t stop, he’ll shut the church down.

Really, Mel?  You’ll shut the church down? I thought you only had the power to make extremely long period movies. 

Heathers II
With the flurry of 80s movie remakes and sequels, it should come as no surprise that the cult classic Heathers is slated to get its own sequel, complete with Christian Slater. 

Winona Ryder, who co-stared in the original with Slater, recently said “Christian [Slater] has agreed to come back as a kind of Obi-Wan character.”

And what’s your role Winona?  Lipstick stealing soccer Mom?

And baby make 4.  Or possibly 5
Nicole Kidman and hubby Keith Urban are all set to adopt a Vietnamese child.  Seems they are anxious to give ten month old Sunday Rose a sibling. 

Nicole has two adopted children with ex Tom Cruise and she is reported to be pregnant again.

If you want to catch up to Madonna and Angelina, Nicole, better get a move on it.

At least Paris Hilton only collects puppies.

So last week we had a rite of passage in our home. My five-year-old lost her first tooth. It was a little bit traumatic due to the fact that she swallowed it, but I convinced her to write a letter to the tooth fairy explaining what had happened and everything would be fine. That evening after she went to bed I snuck in her room, grabbed the letter, and left her a dollar. The next morning at church some of our friends heard her talking about getting a dollar. I swelled with pride, well, until I noticed the posse circling around me. All of a sudden the tooth fairy patrol began to cross examine me.

Apparently two of our friends gave their daughters twenty dollars for the first tooth and one friend gave her son forty dollars. Forty dollars!!! That is insane. Why in the world would anyone give a five-year-old forty dollars for a tooth?  So I started to feel guilty. I began to poll all of my friends and apparently the average amount of money a child received from the tooth fairy was ten dollars. I don’t know about you, but ten dollars is a lot more precious in our household these days.

Nevertheless, two weeks later when my daughter lost her second tooth (thankfully we rescued it from the sink before it went down the drain), the tooth fairy left a more generous gift of five dollars. Suffice it to say I was a bit chagrined when my daughter yelled for me to come to her room. Upon seeing her prize she sighed wistfully and said, “I wish the tooth fairy would quit leaving me these useless tickets. I would much rather have some crayons or bubble gum!” From the mouth of babes…

Brown nosing
As his court date approaches, Chris Brown has decided to concentrate on his music.  Robert Allen, a friend of Brown’s says, “Chris is focused. He knows how to deal with whatever is going on and is willing to do what he has to do to please his fans. He wants this to be his masterpiece. He’s predicting this will be his biggest album.” 

Hey, Chris, if you want to please your fans how about owning up to the smack down you put on Rihanna? 

Party like a thirteen year old
It seems that Angel and Kings, Pete Wentz’s New York City bar has been shut down for serving alcohol to minors. And it seems that it’s the third violation for the bar.

Might want to check what Petey is putting in that baby bottle, Ashley. 

Drunk Petty
Actress Lori Petty has been arrested for DUI after hitting a skateboarder with her car while drunk.

Hey, at least she wasn’t driving a tank.

I’m a douchebag…get me out of here!
Two days into filming on the reality TV show, I’m a Celebrity ….Get me Out of Here!  Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt have quit the show, not once but twice. 

Seems they didn’t know what they were signing up for. Really?  It’s being filmed in the jungles of Costa Rica.  What in the heck were they expecting? If we’re lucky these two will drown.  Well, maybe Spencer will.  Heidi’s boobs will keep her afloat.

So… Is MTV really still doing that movie awards show? I didn’t watch it. (Although maybe I would have had I been home, but that’s neither here nor there.) However, that doesn’t keep me from passing gleeful judgment on the show’s attendees! Without further ado…

BEST

I’ve said it before. I think few women in Hollywood have better natural style than Sienna Miller. Take her green Swarovsky-encrusted Twenty8Twelve—the label she designs with her sister—backless minidress. With the beachy waves and low-key makeup—along with the faaabulous Nicholas Kirkwood sandals—the whole look is fun, glamorous, and effortless.

I was pleasantly surprised by Ashley Tisdale, who managed to look both chic and edgy in an Elise Overland leather sheath dress, embellished belt, and sky-high gladiator stilettos. I thought the dusky lavender looked great with her skin and chestnut hair, though I did think the extensions were a little much.

A bit of an odd choice for the MTV Movie Awards, I’ll admit, but I dug Malin Ackerman’s flawless white suit and sexy bustier top. Kind of refreshing amid a sea of overexposed starlets, no?  

WTF?

Okay, I hated—hated, hated—Megan Fox’s hair. The severely slicked back front with the attempt at loose, retro waves in back? Reminiscent of scary man-mullets at hick town bars. I also didn’t dig her D&G metallic jacquard dress, which really reminded me of hotel drapery and/or bedspreads.

It pains me to do this, because I was originally all for the newly blonde Leighteon Meester’s more daring Emilio de la Morena dress. Then I saw the back. Do my eyes lie? Can you actually entirely see through the rear of her dress? Now I’m no prude, but no matter how awesome your derrière is, showing it in public just seems tacky. Thoughts?  

Ohh, Lauren Conrad. LC, if I may. Why? Nothing flattered about this Moschino rose-printed bubble hem dress, accessorized with ratty, bleachy extensions and deep red lips. The whole look was the opposite of youthful summer style. Enough said, I think.

So, do tell. Agree, disagree with my choices? Who else should be on this list?

Glambert being coy
Even though Idol is over for another season and Adam Lambert didn’t walk away with the crown, seems people are still curious about whether or not he wears one. 

And his answer to all those questions about his sexuality?

“Calm down… keep speculating.”

Eyeliner, eye shadow, nail polish and more hair product than Ryan Seacrest?  Don’t think a lot of speculation is needed, folks.

Susan Boyle’s potty mouth
Seems that Britain’s Got Talent’s Susan Boyle let loose not once but twice in the same day, cursing her badly coifed head off.  Could the pressure be getting to her?  Or maybe she’s just got a potty mouth.  Either way, her outbursts – one involving passing police calming her down and the other as a result of praise another contestant received – won’t endear her to anyone. 

Afterall, it takes years to achieve enough of a diva status to pull off bad public behavior – just ask Whitney Houston.

Brown in doo-doo again
Chris Brown is once again at the center of an assault case.  A photog is claiming that Chris’ bodyguards gave him a little smack down when he took a pic of the singer playing basketball at the gym.  Chris himself was not directly involved.

I guess it was a male photographer.

Amy Winehouse is just lonely
According to Mama Winehouse, her daughter is a lush because she’s lonely and bored in St. Lucia’s.

“Two of her closest friends are going over to try to calm her down a bit. I think it will make a big difference because in the past few weeks she’s been bored. “

Bored? In St. Lucia’s?  Sun and sand, yeah I’d totally be bored too.

Hmm…. maybe if she sobered up she could do something totally fun, like show up for gigs. That would take care of an hour or two of her day.

So I guess she’s into boys this week
Okay, this is tacky, even by her standards.  Reality star Tila Tequila has tweeted that the reason she’s been so sick lately is that she’s knocked up. 

“I’m gonna tell y’all something REAL FAST, then delete it ok?… Since nobody is awake… reason why I’ve been feeling sick on and off lately is because yes, I am pregnant!”

Uh huh.  Then the class act proceeded to threaten her baby daddy by outing him if he didn’t “step up”.

“You should at least step up to the plate or I’m gonna have to put you on blast in the media…and I’M SURE that’s not what you want do you?.”

And just in case we didn’t realize it, the sperm donor is a Hollywood big wig.

“I’m talking about someone very very very very very f-ing famous! He is like A-list famous and you follow him on Twitter too.”

Honey, I don’t even follow YOU on Twitter.

Aren’t her 15 minutes up, yet?
In a desperate bid to hold on to even a smidgen of her celebrity, Jessica Simpson is slated to appear in another reality TV show. Apparently the new show, Price of Beauty, will have Jess and a friend travelling the country looking for beautiful people and what makes them beautiful.

The idea for the show came form Jess’ recent weight struggle.  Just one more travesty caused by high-waisted Mom jeans.

Lindsay’s dad still a douche bag
Michael Lohan was arrested earlier this month for threatening to kill fiancée Erin Muller and then himself when she tried to put an end to the relationship.
Guys like this tick me off.  Why not do us females a favor and forget about the first part of the threat?  We really don’t care about the second part all that much.

White wedding
Meg White from the White Strips married boyfriend Jackson Smith.  Also married were Dead Weather and the Raconteur bassist Jack Lawrence.  The weddings took place at the Nashville home of Jack White, Meg’s band mate and ex husband. Benjamin “Swank” Smith officiated.

What was there no minister named Jack available? 

Kanye is SMRT
Despite the fact that he has “written” a book, Kanye West doesn’t believe in reading. 

“I am not a fan of books. I would never want a book’s autograph. I am a proud non-reader of books. I like to get information from doing stuff like actually talking to people and living real life.”

Just for the record Kanye?  Books don’t give autographs, authors do.

Hello beautiful (yes, yes on the inside too!) Girl Snark readers. Today, I will share with you a listicle of some of the worst break-ups I had.

This top secret list consists of five carefully selected individual incidents, out of umm… say twenty-four. Twenty-four, you say? Yes, that’s quite a lot. But that also makes me an expert. I am doing this so those of you who are on a “self-pity he-left-me-my-life-is-over” crying binge right now can see the silver lining, which is probably not the worst break-up in the world. Look at Mia! She’s experienced this a gazillion times and she’s still alive and kickin’! Yes my friends, I am still alive and very much kickin’. Cue that Destiny’s Child “Survivor” song.

Let’s go!

Dear American Apparel,

How’s it going? How’s everything? Are you still busy fending off those sexual harassment charges? I’m sorry. But hey, I have a bone to pick with you.

Here’s the thing… you know those awesome V-neck shirts you sell? The one that’s super soft, super comfy, and makes every girl looks instantly babe-a-licious? I love them. Thank you for that, really. But the thing is, I don’t understand why you have to make ‘em unisex. Seriously? Yes, some guys can pull it off. Mega hotties like Ewan McGregor, Javier Bardem, Gael Garcia Bernal, yes those guys work those v-necks like nobody’s bizznizzz. It’s pretty delicious.

But you see, 99% of the male population do not look like Ewan McGregor, Javier Bardem, or Gael Garcia Bernal. Most of them do not possess the natural, yet serious masculinity that is required to pull off those shirts. So they end up looking, well, icky. Even creepy. And slightly girly.

You started a trend I do not wish to ever see again, seriously. It’s gotten worse too.

Let’s take a look at the journey, shall we?

Forget it, ladies! Find a man who already has the qualities you are looking for. Now, I am not saying that if you are both young and he is still getting an education and will be moving up in his career that you should not be with him. I am talking about situations like he is forty and still living with his parents or has room mates and smokes pot all day; when he’s still trying at fifty to get that record deal while he expects you to support him, well, you get the idea. If you are fine with those scenarios or something similar, then that is alright, but if not, move on to someone who already has something going on. Don’t think that with your encouragement or advice that he will change into what you want him to be. So many women are so eager to fall in love and get married that they give a guy credit for qualities that he doesn’t have and won’t ever develop. Don’t fall for a guy until you know all that you need to about him. You want a man with good character and the qualities that are important to you now, not possibly one day.

Don’t commit to or marry a guy if:

* He is jealous and it has been an issue in his past relationships.
* He abuses drugs or alcohol. An addict will always give priority to his addiction. You cannot save him or change that; the desire to change has to come from within him.
* He is gay and you think that you can change him.
* He tries to isolate you and makes you give up your friends and activities that you enjoy.
* He makes fun of you or tells you that you are stupid.